I left a set of garden cushions out on an outside bench from April to October for three years straight. When anyone asked me if it was okay to leave them out I told them “absolutely no problem at all, trust me they’re meant to.” My dad came over in year two. Lifted one of the cushions and watched a little puff of something that 100% was not dry- clothes dry move from the seam when he gently squeezed it. And simply hmed.
Yeah. He didn’t word it into an actual concern. Nope Dad just took one look at my cushions and that was the entire conversation.
It really should have been enough to have me foating cushions away like Bonnie By autumn for YEARS but nope this year I learned my lesson.
I will walk you through my delusional thinking exclusively so you can appreciate how goddamn idiotic I was being.
Allow me.
Outdoor cushions ARE called outdoor cushions they are MEANT TO STAY OUTSIDE. Full stop. Indoor was something mum did to her garden furniture covers AND THEN IRONS THEM. Not me. Crazy lady. Indoor. Over. Argument. Look, I know this sounds unbelievable if I’m breaking it down like this because DUHH IT WAS BUT hear me out it’ ALSO probably the kind of inner dialogue most people tell themselves on the topic because “can i leave my outdoor cushions outside” is just some googles folks Search. So frequently that the REAL answer nobody clicks is YES BUT NO LIKE THIS:
What waterproof actually means. What water resistant does not mean.
Water resistant DOES NOT mean waterproof. Let me spell this out because it wasn’t until I was cushion homeless years after moving the damn things in and out like normal humans that I learned – WATER RESISTANT DOES NOT mean WATERPROOF. Water resistant cushions can take a shower. They will keep you dry if you get caught in the rain for 5 minutes. What they will NOT do is hold up to actually being sat on while wet. While wateringlogged because you and the cushion decided “nah we’re not going back in AGAIN” when that downpour started. Sweatshop if ever I leaned one.
The difference between “shit, it rained” and howling at a British Summer is HALF OF YOUR PROBLEMS.
nobody tells you about when you buy that lovely super dry fast foam cushion is that while YES it might shed fresh water pretty well BUT THAT IS IF YOU ALLOW IT TO DRY COMPLETELY between uses because friend. The foam inside those cushions – yes even the ones marketed as outdoor cushions that GENERALLY LOOK LIKE THEY SHOULD LIVE OUTSIDE – retain water INTO THEIR CORE matrix and it cannot drain out like it’s some-
science magic. It rots. It rots and then you get mildew and then it gets that nasty brown smell from the inside OUT that you cant see until it’
gross out of your dryer. Mildew does not care how hard you dry things ewwww
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I have to get into cushion anecdotes because I know stating “left them out in the rain” isn’t enough to change peoples habits. I bought two sets of seat pads. Fell in love and ordered another two so I had matching sets. Goog “buy outdoor cushions” and ignored every word above. Left them all out, solid through a rainy-as-fuck September and one rainy October. TWO of them TWO out of FOURSNIKKKER got that gross green tint that can only mean one thing. Mildew settled in there GOOD and wasn’
t happening. I spent the next month professionally documenting how not to care for outdoor cushions as they sat in a dump.
The guide I now live by. Thank god it’s boring
Outdoor cushions are AMAZING for staying out during the day. All. Day. Long. Forgot to bring them in for a picnic? They can probably handle it. Leave them out for a wicked long bbq where someone got distracted and it looked clear but
unfold? They’ll be fine! Light mist that you didn’t even know was there but the heavens have now opened? Dry enough to not grow that spore funk? Heck yeah! What they can’t do is make that call for you. Overnight. Every night. Throughout seasons of CONSISTENT bad weather.
puld actually GO OUT AND BUY A LABEL reading bin.. Yeah bought that preach as well. But ALSO making sure TO THE advice they give you on actually CARRYING IT HOME.
Every.Single.Time.
There is TABLE grass fabric out there that has been treated, marketed and sold to you as “girls weekendOutdoor Cushions” that will fare WORSE than any old IKEA stool when it comes to actually keeping dry.
If they doesn’t SPECIFICALLY say waterproof or are designed with waterproofing technology built into them DON’T LET THEM STEAL YOUR MONEY.
If the week is looking dry and clear? I’ll still leave them out. What’s the point in schlepping cushions if it looks 100% like they won’t be needed? But once there’ even a little rain in the forecast they come inside to live. Indoors until I see the 90 day weather prediction and we’ CLEAR. Used to hate that it took so little for these babies to scream at me but my dad didn’ say TWO words to me about it. One. Word.
