Someone raised their hand last week and volunteered the information that they’d defended their memory foam pillow for three years despite – STOP PRESS – it actively harming them. Not figuratively. Swapped up in the morning feeling like they’d been braced for arrest slept funny one night blamed the bed blamed themselves but for THREE YEARS DID NOT CONSIDER THAT THE BRICK OF FOAM SUPPORTING THEIR HEAD DIRECTLY WAS THE PROBLEM BEFORE BOUGHT A NEW PILLOW AND IT TURNED OUT THE OLD ONE HAD BEEN ROASTING THEIR NECK DYNAMITE since 20’21. Nobody forced them. They just said it, there, between sandwiches, shameful confession years in the making.
We all know it’s the head-slap loyal you give things despite being bad for you. You spent real money on it, watched it arrive in a bag smaller than some trousers only to inflate at your_RAMBLINGS_SHORTENED_SLIGHTLY_for_sake_OF_READABILITY_ like something out of a Stephen King novel, and admitting your pillow is crappy feels like you admit YOU are, so you endure and grit your teeth and chalk it up to “support”.
We love them because they work.
Like, actually do what they said on the tin.
Lots of pillows will claim they’re supportive but by September they’re as flat as McDonald’s lettuce.
Memory foam stays formed throughout the night so you don’t spend half an hour repositioning every time you roll onto your side, and if you get the height correct it can eliminate that horrible numbness from reaching your wrist from your shoulder that you otherwise wake up with.
We hate them because the good kind smell LIKE A TYRE REPAIR SHOP when you open them for the first time and somebody always thinks that means it’s damaged and takes it back without letting the initial smell settle which TF FOUR WEEKS YOU’RE JUST GOING TO BUY AN EXPENSIVE FEATHER PILLOW AGAIN AND THEN EMAIL US ABOUT HOW YOUR NECK HURTS WON’T YOU? YES WE WARNED YOU
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They also trap heat in a way no one tells you about until you’re six months in and trying to work out why your skull feels crusted over.
One of us sleepangles with a foot compulsively out of the duvet every night just to balance it out.
It looks stupid but it works.
And holyshit they’re heavy.
Actually heavy in a way pillows shouldn’t be and if you’re a serial pillow fluff/basher person, allowing yourself 3-4 pillows to dive amongst until you find your preferred sleeping position, this pillow will fight you. Fight you harder than that one person who THINKS THEY’RE FUNNY at parties. It does not want you tampering with its construction. It wants you to lay atop it and allow it to mould to your face like some sort of…SENSITIVE COVERSATION
Just like with real life pillows, y’all cant decide anything so we’re presenting you with all the thoughts. Some of us would never look at another pillow again. Others keep an eye on theirs like they’ll suddenly go nasty on them three years down the line and snap and keep our real necks just because of what happened. Egg’s on baby’s face type scenario. Basically our entire review.
