Someone mentioned the gloss white one from the flat with the horrendous boiler. The one that sat next to a bed for six years and still didn’t look like it had ever held a cup of tea in its vicinity. Someone else mentioned the matte white one they moved into a different house with that looked exactly the same way four months later had a ring on it like it should be advertised on Juice Box. Same colour. Same job. Completely different demeanours.
You’d think that was enough to settle this office battle of the tables.
Except no.
The gloss group.
Will. Not. Shut. Up. Wipeable. They keep saying it is. Like it’s a personality trait. And honestly, when you’re half asleep at two in the morning and you knock something over while reaching for your glasses, wipeable IS a personality trait you want your furniture to possess. Matte group argues that gloss tables show every fingerprint under said lamp as if it’s enlarged in a crime scene newspaper, which fair, we’ve all done a weird stare down of a bedside table at 11pm pretending like the lamp is assisting crime scene investigators. Nobody is winning this. Nobody will win this.
What we can all agree on, remarkably quickly for these stubborn people, is that white highlights your every living flaw. Depending on who you ask that’s either the reason they love it or the reason they can’t. White won’t camouflage that ring mark under a nice woodgrain like your brown table would.
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White will just mock you about how you had a cup of tea on it back in 2019 and decided you didn’t want to deal with it anymore.
We had one about someone who kept a white bedside table in a rental for three years because painting it over was more commitment than they were willing to give their relationship that was living in that bedroom.
That might say something about the table… and that relationship.
But we don’t want to speculate too much further.
Speaking of hazards. There’s also the drawer handle debacle. Do you want a handle you can grab blindly half asleep? Or do you prefer pushing a small groove with your index finger like it’s a bomb? We’ve all had a drawer on THIS TABLE fling a glass of water at us at some point so… lol I don’t know.
At the end of the day… though we really won’t be at the end of THIS disagreement, we’ve agreed that white will truly earn its keep when it can survive a REAL_life stain. Not the apartment-wide purging you do when your parents come to stay once a year. Our old gloss white table from the bad boiler flat is still our (unofficially voted) office favourite because it’s seen more drama than most tables should. It survived a broken boiler, a horrifying landlord and at least one argument that ended in the breakup of friendships very similar to this one.
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