Picture this: Me, last month, stood on my knees in my downstairs toilet – which is literally the size of a cupboard – cradling swatches of what is objectively the cacophonous wallpaper of the devil and wondering if I’d lost my mind. Ever picked up something that resembles a seizure hazard and thought, “Have I gone completely mad?” Yeah. That was me on Tuesday afternoon.
So, my downstairs toilet is really small. We’re not talking towel-crumpled-in-one-corner kind of small, we’re talking I-can-touch-either-wall-when-sitting-down-on-the-toilet small. There may be worse admissions than that to make on a Tuesday morning but we’re not going there.
It’s tiny. Developer-basic tiny.
I’d spent years believing the myth that smaller rooms needed “neutral” wallpaper and paint.
Beige walls. White everything. Hell, paint the ceilings white if we’re being particularly crazy.
Mum’s of that mindset. Tell her we’re wallpapering the downstairs toilet something that’s not magnolia and she’ll give me a long list of reasons why that will “make it look smaller”. “You’ll hate it!” will probably be somewhere between points 7 and 8. Complete myth, btw.
I started experimenting with wallpaper in small bathrooms around two years ago. Sick of staring at boring ol’ walls whilst sat on the loo, I slapped some floral wallpaper in ours. Dreamy little leaves printed on cream in soft greens.
Picked it up from that furniture warehouse that smells of Woodwick candles and death £28 for two rolls. Suddenly my poky little toilet felt much more… interesting. Invigorating, even.
Plus it meant I wasn’t just staring at my own grimace every time I sat down. Winning. The mistake I made when I first started, though, was underestimating scale.
Scale is so important in small bathrooms. More important than any other room, in my opinion. My first “oops” print was this rich damask.
Beautiful swirls of vibrant roses. Bigger than yours-your-neighbour’s-kitchen kind of roses. A print that was clearly destined for a grand living room, not a bathroom where you can touch both walls when sat on the toilet.
It made my bathroom feel old and cramped. Like I’d unwittingly replaced the wallpaper with my Nan’s curtains. Calming down those busy flowers made a WORLD of difference.
Scale isn’t just an individual pattern issue either; it’s about how much busyness your eye has to process when you’re stood in a tiny room. Learn from me, and avoid filling teeny rooms with lots of teeny patterns. Did this.
Absolute disasters. Got one with hexagons that looked sleek and crisp as a sample. Low-key.
Monochrome. Spot-on scale. Imagine my disappointment when I wallpapered an entire bathroom in the stuff.
Couldn’t look at any one thing! Every pattern was fighting for dominance with the next. Like being inside a speeding police car light display.
Once I started to select wallpapers as features, instead of things you just plaster everywhere, I started to crack it. Your statements wall – be behind the toilet or sink – can carry the pattern, while everything else remains neat and simple. Stops the room feeling too busy and draws the eye around the room.
Win-win. And hey, less wallpaper = cheaper. Sure, lighter colours do make a room feel bigger and brighter.
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But what you really want is a light background. One that will allow you to add some busier patterns without overwhelming the room. This pretty trailing ivy that I’ve got up now is actually quite a busy pattern if you really look at it.
But because it’s varying shades of grey on a crisp white background, it just looks like texture, not a bunch of flowers having a zoo breakout. Water resistance is key, though. This is actually important.
Got some fab grasscloth-effect paper down there and within about six weeks it started bubbling at the seams! Bathrooms are bad for wallpaper. Lots of steam, drastic temperature changes and let’s not forget the odd splash-back when flossing.
You need vinyl backed paper or paper specifically designed for bathrooms. It’s more expensive, but it’s worth it. Oh, and while we’re babbling about things people rarely tell you about bathroom wallpaper; cleaning.
Think about how easy your wallpaper will be to clean BEFORE you commit to it. Intricate patterns might look lovely in the store but when you can’t see grime building up, you’ll end up with dirty wallpaper that thinks it’s helping with the decor. Simple repetitive patterns are MUCH easier to live with.
Remember how I did teeny tiny polka dots in there once? Bad idea. Every spot of water was glaring at me from the wall.
Swapped them for subtle vertical stripes and life was much better. Speaking of vertical stripes. Yup, they really do make low ceilings feel taller.
Trust me. I converted years ago. Half bath ceiling is probably 7ft 6 if we’re being generous.
Painted some slim vertical stripes in pale blue and it instantly made the ceiling feel… less low. Shade-on-shade is key here, rather than wildly contrasting stripes. Removable wallpaper is a GAME CHANGER if you’re renting or aren’t ready to commit.
L rented wallpaper down there for Sarah (her landlord insisted) and it was honestly life-changing. Looks expensive, took half a day to put up and peeled cleanly off the wall when she left. Doesn’t have the wow factor of actual wallpaper but great for seeing if you can actually live with a pattern.
The thing I see people doing wrong all the time? Falling in love with patterns without considering the functionality of a bathroom. Bathroom wallpaper isn’t an art gallery.
You use your bathroom to get ready for your day; shove toothpaste in your face, dry your hair into submission, rant at yourself in the mirror about why your boyfriend dumped you. We all do it. You need a wallpaper pattern that is forgiving enough for your daily grind, but cool enough that you don’t want to gouge your eyes out every time you need to pee.
Texture, y’all. Texture is your friend. Especially if you’re after the pattern without overwhelming colour.
Got this linen-effect wallpaper down there last month and it adds so much texture to the walls without screaming LOOK AT ME. Like all textured wallpaper, it’s slightly more pricey than your average vinyl wipeable sheet, but still a fraction of the cost of carpet. Pair your bathroom wallpaper with other little things that help to elongate the room and make it feel more intentional.
Get some great lighting (warmbulbs.co.uk have THE BEST wifi enabled lights, by the way.
And they’re eco-friendly to boot!). Fluffy towels.
Even just funky cabinet handles. Plants if you have a window. Oh, and lighting IS important.
Nothing screams “I spend all day in my downstairs toilet” than harsh cold-white lighting. Warm, inviting tones will make all the difference. Wallpapering a small bathroom isn’t about trying to make the room look bigger.
It’s about making that small space work for YOU. Yes, my downstairs toilet is still the same size as a cupboard. But at least now when I’m sat there reaching for both walls I have something I love looking at.
